Who Am I?

What is this thing called COVID-19? Where’d it come from? Can we change it or control it? Well, it is a virus that came from China and NO we cannot control it and we DO NOT need to let it control US!

So, on Thursday, James and I went to Dallas with the Troop 2 boy-scouts for their spring break trip. The plan was to spend Thursday at Epic Waters in Grand Prairie, eat supper that evening then catch a movie and spend Thursday night. Get up on Friday and go spend about 4-5 hours at Main Event and then spend Friday night at Group Dynamics. At this point (Thursday) we had heard of the virus but I wasn’t really “concerned” about it.

On the trip, myself and the other leaders followed the boys around with germ-ex and Clorox wipes and kept reminding them, “wash your hands and don’t touch your face“. I think they probably heard our voices in their dreams Thursday night. We had a GREAT time and it was actually GOOD for me to get out and do something FUN! Wesley even tried out his “strength” and decided to carry me from the epic waters entrance all the way to our car in the parking lot (It wasn’t THAT far, but I was VERY impressed with him.)

So, we enjoyed our movie, “Call of the Wild” and got to the hotel about 10:30 and decided to call it a night. Of course, the boys loved the idea of staying in a hotel. Myself, I was just looking for a pillow and blanket so I could go to sleep. I forgot what it was like to keep up with a bunch of teenagers; and teenage boys at that!!

Well, onto this COVID-19 thing and what’s going on in the world around us. We woke up on Friday and started questioning if we needed to leave. I and other leaders were discussing this. I had a peace about staying and letting the boys finish the fun trip they’d worked so hard to plan (Scouts is a boy lead group and they planned, created a budget for, and prepared for this trip). As I was discussing with the leaders that I had peace and that if I felt God was showing me something different I’d let them know; my phone immediately went off. It was like I didn’t get the words about having peace out of my mouth and I heard my text tone.

It was a text message from someone letting me know the President would be declaring a National Emergency at 3pm that day (Friday). I told the leaders my peace just left me and maybe we should re-consider. (You know, God talks to us in MANY ways if we just listen. Even through a text message from someone). After much discussion, we decided it best to head back to Paris so we weren’t in Dallas when the announcement was made.

Again, we can’t control what happens in the world. Were we concerned about our boys getting COVID-19? Not necessarily, we were more worried about the chaos that may or may not take place once the announcement was made and being caught in Dallas during that time. We loaded up and headed home stopping in Greenville at Chic Fil A for lunch. I ordered my usual, 8 piece nugget meal with water to drink, and waited with the rest of the crew to eat.

As I waited, I found myself admiring all the precautions the restaurant was taking to stay clean. Nobody could get their own sauces, napkins, or drinks. It all had to be requested and was given to you by an employee that was wearing gloves. If you wanted a drink refill, you had to throw your cup away and get a fresh one. All around me people were discussing the virus, “This is madness and I hope it ends soon” one lady explained to the individual sitting with her.

Our food arrives and I begin to feel anxious. For those that have never had this feeling of anxiousness or anxiety; your chest starts to get tight and sometimes you’ll feel a lump in your throat as if you need to cry. You may even feel like you can’t catch your breath and it’s hard to breathe. I could feel myself beginning to get hot (another symptom of anxiety) and then I heard one of our boys say, “They just posted on Facebook Lamar County schools have extended Spring Break.” At this point, I was in full blown panic mode. COVID-19 had become even more real to me. The tears began to well up in my eyes and my heart rate monitor on my watch was warning me that my heart rate had been over 100 bpm for more than 10 minutes.

It occurred to me at that moment that I am immuno-compromised as is Katelyn. Of course, that scared me! What if I get this virus? Will my heart be strong enough to handle it? How about Katelyn? Can she fight it off? And then I began to think of my family and friends that work in the health field. How will they keep from contracting this virus? My mom works in a laboratory and will be the one performing the test to check for this virus. What if she gets it? How will we eat if all the food runs out? What if people start going crazy and breaking into houses just to find food? All these CRAZY questions that 1) I had no answers for and couldn’t control and 2) I am worrying about things in the future that may NOT even happen.

You see, that seems to be part of my problem with depression and anxiety. I let my mind wonder to the unknown. I worry A LOT about what MIGHT happen. I spend more time worrying about the What if’s instead of enjoying the moment and what is in front of me. I must surrender my fear to God, “Perfect love drives out Fear” 1 John 4:18. The Lord is our perfect love. We MUST look to him during these times and remember to focus on His love.

During this time, we may be quarantined and isolated from others but lets remember to look for the joy during these moments. If you are a parent, play games with your children, do crafts and art with them, cook with them (mine and James’ favorite thing to do together). For those without children, start a new hobby. And for ALL of us; start a joy list. I began doing this about three weeks ago. My list is on the refrigerator and I add three things to it a day. Things that bring me joy and make me happy. Katelyn saying, “mamma”, Wesley giving me hugs every night, James’ smiles.

I’m going to close with something I borrowed from a friends post on Facebook:

And the people stayed home. And read books, and listened, and rested, and exercised, and made art, and played games, and learned new ways of being, and were still. And listened more deeply. Some meditated, some danced, some prayed. Some met their shadows. And the people began to think differently. And the people healed. And, in the absence of people living in ignorance, dangerous, mindless, heartless ways, the earth began to heal. And when the danger passed, and the people joined together again, they grieved their losses, and made new choices, and dreamed new images, and created new ways to live and heal the earth fully, as they had been healed. ~~ Kitty O’Meara’