Who’s Your Daddy?

Bobby-
Bobby is a man who was part of me being born. I used to call him “dad”, until I was about 8. Then he was just a person that decided he didn’t want me. I still remember the night I laid in bed with my older sister and only sibling, Rachel, and asked her, “do you want to be adopted”?

Rachel was 3 years older than me and boy did I look up to her. She knew everything as far as I was concerned and I LOVED it when we got to sleep in the same bed together. I wanted to do this often since the divorce between my mom and Bobby, which occurred when I was 5.

My mom had remarried by the time I was 8 and Simon (my new step-dad) was going to adopt us. I didn’t know at all what this meant except we’d have his last name now (Parker) instead of the name we did have (Webb). I also knew it meant we’d not see Bobby ever again. I remember feeling a little excited and confused. I hadn’t seen Bobby but a few times (that I can remember anyway) since the divorce anyway so what difference did it make. Plus, he lived all the way in Tennessee and we lived in Oklahoma.

The adoption took place when I was in 2nd grade and the next several years I don’t recall any contact with him. However, I do believe I was starting to understand what it meant to be adopted by another man, or as I know it now, “He signed his rights to my sister and I away.” In my mind – HE DIDN’T WANT OR LOVE US ANYMORE-

I acted out throughout school and had behavioral issues. I remember always being in trouble, seeing counselors and sitting in time out A LOT. I remember being the “bad” kid and just wanting to feel acceptance and love. Little did I know I was looking for the love and acceptance that I wasn’t getting from Bobby. In my little ole’ childhood mind, I had been rejected and abandoned by a parent that is supposed to love me, protect me, care for me, and provide for me so if I continue to act out; I continue to get attention, even if it was negative attention.

Once I entered junior high (seventh grade) I remember joining band and finally feeling like I belonged somewhere. I still felt a void, was still looking for that one person to “love” me, and still day drempt about Bobby coming back into my life one day and “wanting” me.

This story continues (come on, you didn’t expect me to write FORTY YEARS into one blog did you??) but here’s where I stop and tell you that all those years I had been looking for love from the WRONG daddy. Yes, we all want and need an earthly father but sometimes life doesn’t work out that way. Even though my mom had re-married, and we did things with Simon and his family; to me it wasn’t the same. I needed to accept the love from my heavenly father, GOD!

The pain of feeling unwanted and unloved by my (what I referred to at this point in my life as my biological sperm donor) was deep and controlling my life and the choices I was making. Why was I allowing this? Why was I allowing this one person who wasn’t having anything to do with me control my thoughts and actions when I had a God telling me I was worthy and loved?

Do you have a similar situation where you are looking for the love of your father and can’t find it? Let God love you and heal that pain. He is your heavenly father and loves you like no other. “I will be a father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty.” 2 Corinthians 6:18 NIV.

WOW! He tells us right there in his words that HE will be our father. The God that created the heavens and earth, that is all knowing, performs miracles, is everwhere at once, and wants us to leat Him be our father. So guess what —- We ALL have a heavenly father that wants and loves us. He wants to provide for us, protect us, encourage us, strengthen us, teach us, comfort us, discipline us (oh yes, we all need discipline), listen to us and so much more.

Let go of the pain, the wondering, and the control!!! I am…….